Look into his eyes...

Boo a Loo on SchOOL.

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 18:25:53 GMT

So im bored. im sitting in desktop...and im bored cuz im done.

I CAN LEAVE!@!!

Sailor, slave to the sea.

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 04:12:28 GMT

Sailor, why do you do this to me? Saying the things you say to conflict with my happy thoughts. Sailor do you not think before you speak and then change your mind just to toy with emotions of the heart? Why Sailor, I am surprised at you, you know what its like to be hurt, why would you do it before we ever start? Sailor of the sea, I know your shipping out, but believe me this is not an issue. Sailor, why can't you see, this attachment is artificial, nothing more than colored water. Sailor, maybe now you can see this is not a bad idea. Why Sailor, slave the the see, I think I get it now, your afraid of the attachment, the attachment you might have for me.

The ending which you have not mastered as I, but simple for this time. You are a Sailor slave to the sea, however my darling, the sea that changes so often, so brutal, so angry in her ways. Why that sea is me.

<33

I can feel your pain from across the room

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 00:44:35 GMT

I have not written in a while and I do not feel like going into detail. SO here it is, and if ye understands then hoooora for you.

(oh ps i am at RIT)

The drive was amazing, yet scary. Long travles make me antzy and unsettled in any area. THe music flowed and ran beautifully in my mind. The start, calm but becomes insreasingly horrid. I keep forgetting to breath. Random interjections of human contact cause the brain to function and sleep to rest itself int eh back of the mind. A movie calls for happy times but brings iffy figures. "Tag your it" and speedy escapes fill the air of misty night. A shadow waits on the side. THe play continues, the shadow moves away. Travel into the woods brings fear and blindness. The many creatures move violently past my face in invisable cloths. THe shadow walks on. These storys of horny gods brings understanding and slight warmth to the soul. THe waves of simple pleasure are excellent and make me smile for the time. Daylight, you cant ever relaly tell there is no light to be seen anyway. NO laps of time really can be seen inside this cave, this very lived in cave. The following night moves slowly and throws me towards a hurling fall. A once empty stomach filled by small bits of rice prepares for waves of toxic drinks to fall. The party rolls on and the drinking consumes. My friends talk, I speak, I think, but....I am not truly present. Secret drinks passed back and forth to save his mind. He doesnt want them, so i take it. I am not bothered...just stupid. The night goes on, the more the drink. Travel more is spinning and then left in the cold. Laying on cold makes me truly want the heat. Night rolls on, more drinks, more drinks, more drinks. Then the purple appears and flows around the room. The travlers go forth to the comfy place down below. My mouth runs for no other reason that it can...and sadly it runs me into trouble. Shadow goes upstairs and leaves the comfy happy warmth or the below. A quick conversation leads to an unpleasent night. Anger wants to be filled by drink, but a reminder from the story teller makes clear, that is never good. The anger is now sad and a travel outside becomes the goal. Sleepin on cold ground now feels perfect. The boy checks to make sure no one is harmed. The cold consumes and over comes the stubbroness and tears. Inside to a secluded floor becomes the new position. Alone, tears fall. The boy checks again, and a suggestion to leave is teh right thing. The story teller is kind and takes me to a home. Away from the uglyness that is felt here. A ride away on carpet brings tears again. The stroy teller sings and pretends not to notice, I beleive. The boy stays at the ugly, and the silent one, well, he travels along. The silent one, intoxicated, sits and holds me. I cry, softly....he holds. I fall hard and cry, loud. The white clouds are a quick comfort and sleep comes easy tonight. Early in the next day, here day and night come and are seen. This is a more efficent way to feel timelaps. Movement..then suddnly, the shadow appears. Unnerving and unsteady the wall is opened and he slinks inside. Words fall...over and over like running rivers. Nothing comes to mind, but to look and see the shadows eyes, I cry again. I love him. No matter the supidity on either part, I love him. An akaward union is created and travel beings again. A change in appearance makes all the better for a bright start, while the shadow has vanished again. Reappearing he slinks, we wait, then go. A walk in time to a dusty car. There, a single flower, budding, planted for me, by the shadow. A kind show of affection. Smiles form...and tears come again, not from sorrow, but joy. Things begin to reform. The bubbles heal and flow. Minds ease up...a sickness is still upon me..but its better by the moment. The shadow is kind...stubbron....but kind. This fairy tale is one that will move faster than ever before. I must thank the story tell, the boy, and the silent one...they saved me that night from cold, arguments, and gave me comfort. I would love to add, the shadow, I love; he is a good person, truly.

The drive home will be intresting...but it will be a travel to a home I do not know.

<33

long time no see

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:33:37 GMT

RIT deadline in a few. ugh.

will put all my entered drawings up here. yeah yeah.

<33

8 days and im in heaven.

random

Mon, 31 Jul 2006 03:54:39 GMT

Its going to be small its on my laptop

Open iTunes/iPod or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrasing it is.

How many songs: 640

Sort by song title:
First Song: "Highway Blues" Marc Seales
Last Song: Zombie, The Carnberries

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Track 1, off Benny Wenny's techno mix
Longest Song: Track 4, off Benny Wenny's techno mix, 26.37!

Sort by album:
First Song: Hannukah Song, by Adam Sandler....no album there. lol
Last Song: What Kind Of Name Is..., by Big Kid

Top Five Most Played Songs:
1. Zombie, The Cranberries
2. Be Good To Me, Steriogram
3. Annie Waits, no clue who it is
4. Up Against(Blackout)- TBS
5. MakeDamnSUre- TBS

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Nobody puts baby in teh corner- Fall out boy

Search ....
"sex", how many songs come up? 0
"death", how many songs come up? 16
"love", how many songs come up? 29
"you", how many songs come up? 73
"cock", how many songs come up? 0

prob last public post

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 03:45:28 GMT

from now on, any post will be for friends to view only...or private depending upon its matter.

thank you

a very bad zone out dream...

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 07:02:13 GMT

so called byron he answered and then we had to hang up afterl iek 3 mins...and i am very sad now.

so from this i speed into this very bad and crazed day dream zone out...i have many of these but this one made me worry and ughish.

I called byron again later the next day and he answers. he says he can talk but i hear his parents yelling at him in the background to get off the phone. I ask him again and tell him i can hear his parents yelling and I dont want him in trouble so I will call later on or tomorrow. He gets all mad and starts fussing...and I get mad because I see no reason for it and I try and explain myself rationally, but he jsut gets mad and refuses to talk. So I say fine, good bye Byron, he says bye, I say I love you and he says meh. MEH. and I just say I cant believe you woudl do that to me..and hang up.

Then i snapped out of it and sent myself into a small uncomfortable long thought of how I would fix it because it would be my fault, but it wouldnt be, and ugh.

So now i am sad and missing my panda bear...

i hate ohio

an update of updates

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 06:07:23 GMT

heres to the ones that lost it all here's to the ones that ment everything heres to the ones that are forever younge heres to thoes that want to live.

So its been a while since I have updated this thingy...I have my reasons. I have suspected some persons looking at my journal when they should not be because I did not what them to read this. So from now on I must watch my tounge and be careful of what I say in fear of being exposed. In other words...once again I have lost my source of openess...*sighs*

So in continuation with this, I have been having an alright time so far. Things are getting better. My mame has some job interviews lined up, which means money, better times, and a new mattress for myself, since mine is many years old and really gross.

I myself have obtained a job. Petsmart baby. I think I got the job because of Chris Catts, which is fine with me because now I have a job and money and shizz. So thats good, at least I can pay for my own things now.

I need to find some plastic rings. One because I am obsessed with them now, they are soooo cool. I think its just because Im like secretly loving acting like a little kid and dressing all goofy and stuff. Its just more fun and I dunno..I like it better. Then i\I also need to find a ring to give to Byron. I will win. We started this stupid ass game, and now I have to beat him by giving him a ring. Its so childish but I absolutly adore it.

Byron comes down on the 16th of July. I am so excited for him to come down here. I am really happy, things seem to be going very good for him. I really like this one. I mean in my mind this makes sense and like it all works out, mkays.

So thats about all. I guess.

<33

im leaving

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 04:15:57 GMT

Tomorrow I leave for Costa Rica. I will be glad to excape from some and releave myself from others..and then there is that one that I will miss like none other...

<33

ps. He said it first.

exams are almost over

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 04:12:54 GMT

Tuesday: Physics, eh, not too sure of that one but I think I did okay.
Wednesday: History, ughish I hate that class so much, and American Literature, I think I did very well on this test suprisingly!!
Thursday: Pre Calc AB, We get a card and shit for equations so I think im good.

Bryon has to fly to come see us...his mama wont let him drive. Ugh. Well I hope that it will be all good and that he can come.

wow. I just realized...Im going to college next year. Wow. Like after next year...I have to apply to colleges. wow...

So..yeah...

tired exams alost over...
i miss him.

<33

just an update

Tue, 30 May 2006 03:28:53 GMT

First I would like to start with my every so creepy dream. Byron and all his buddies were in this house along with carrie. Theyw ere all drinking and someone asked, hey were is mercedes? Byron's like she hasnt been feeling good so shes going to the doctor today. I get back and ask carrie to come down stairs and meet me. She does and we both walk back up silently. Carrie is excited and Im kinda shocked. I walk in and Byron asks so did you find out what was wrong. And then there is no sound to the dream. My hand is over my stomach and I mouth the words of somthing. Byron's mouth drops and he drops his beer it shatters and I woke up. It was wierd. But..yeah..so it creeped me out liek crazy.
Thats really all. Umm.. I leave this friday for Costa Rica, it should be cool. Yeah yeah. July, Byron comes down. Really hope he does, I miss him lots. AND I WILL WIN!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH! lol.

<33

yeah last day, boo exams

Sat, 27 May 2006 04:47:46 GMT

Today was the last day of school and it sucked a lot. I was perdy much bored all day long. In math we played games the entire time because it was last day last period so yeah. Right after school I took off to Carrie's house for a chill day. I get there and LEE LEE'S HERE!! SO EXCITED! OMg then after sitting at Carries for forever, and then at crocker park on her car for like a long while. After that we went to dinner then came back. Steve was here and Lee lee scared me wen I walked in again! ARGF to him. neways, so yeah now im watching Lord of War with ppls and thats perdy much it.

Waiting for byron to get on...

<33

umm thing from lucy!

Wed, 24 May 2006 03:26:22 GMT

Once you have been tagged, you are to write a blog including 6 things you do that are weird, habitual and/or interesting fact about yourself. In the end you need to choose 6 more lucky people to be tagged and list their names. Then leave a comment on their page telling them they have been tagged and to check your blog.

1. I am paranoid that someone is behind me all the time and cannot stand it when I know someone is there but they refuse to move.

2. I hate shoes like MAD! I have to take them off when i get home. I even walk outside barefoot in the winter at times becasue I hate shoes so much.

3. I wear fake glasses at my house when i read or do my homework becasue it makes me feel smarter.

4. I still believe in faries....no joke. They do exists, guarenteed they can be nice or steal your shit.

5. I really dont like ice cream, I eat it and i really do hate the taste. In fact, most sugar for me anymore is perdy gross.

6. umm...lastly. I am so embarassed around older people that I dont feel comfortable with. Wether is be in a large group or one on one, i become extremely shy and dont say a word and I refuse to move a lot or look them in the eye, or I cant look away from their eyes.

I hereby tag: Ory, Sara, Vinnie, Diane, Rubina, and Brian *tho he will never check it*

an update of sorts...please stay with me

Mon, 22 May 2006 22:33:13 GMT

to you who has apoken with my mother. Apperenly you do not know what type of journal this is, nor are you someone who knows who I am. I thank you I guess for being retarded. Please, carry on with yourself adn leave it alone from now on. And if you feel the need to ever speak to me about this and explain yourself why you did this...then please be my guest. It woudl be much appreciated and accepted...since your speaking with my mama is confusing to me.

Appoligize

Mon, 22 May 2006 03:06:20 GMT

I would like to appoligize formally to my mother. Once again as I have said thousands and thousands of times before. I write in here what comes to my head and nothing more. At the moment I was very very angry because I was being yelled at for something I felt I didn't do wrong. I do appoligize though for what I said. I do not hate my mother nor do I think anything of that. I was extremly angry however at what she had said and the night in general.

To who ever did post the comment about it...sorry I am an angry teenager. For who ever told my mother thank you very much now. I have lost my mother now, one of my closest frinds, aka my mother even if I do get mad at her sometimes, and lastly one of the only people who was ever there for me because everyone else I know is a little bitch, such as yourself. So thank you...

I don't believe I will be online very much now...so yeah. I can try and do some stuff later..but not much good will come of this.

*I never wanted to censor my livejournal for any purpose, it is mine and no one elses. Nothing should be commented on in here. Thanks to all...*

happier moments in time

Sun, 21 May 2006 17:42:31 GMT

SO my saturday ended up not being totally bad becaues of my loverly friends Carrie and ZZ. I was called and summoned to come andplay wiht them becasue yeah Im not really sure why.Anyways. So i get there and Sean is there..ush...but yeah I didnt think it was him becasue hes ugly now...So had fun..yea..

Called Byron.... V.V
HE HE LOVES IT!!!!

neways...remember i hate the phone....and yeah..lol. Love the call made.

hate that fat cat bitch!

lol

<33

y does it feel like im falling into mud

Sat, 20 May 2006 19:40:53 GMT

everyone ditched me today....my family i mean.

*sad panda*

ugh i hate this shizz, im so bored and all my friend r non exsistant.

Stagnant water on the brain sounds good right about now...cries longing for winter solidation.....ugh. When i long for a winter to make me feel normal, we know theres a problem.

happy moments....
Byron. v.v hehe it looks like a panda to me!

....*sighs*....

i know not what to do with myself today...ughish ughish ughish!

I shall put a new pix of me up here for all of u to see my black hairs and make up s and new hair cut! yeah....

update

Fri, 19 May 2006 03:18:15 GMT

Prom tomorrow...

Get out of school at 1, going to chipolte with ZZ then homes. Mame is doing my nails and then shower and hair doing by ME! lol. THen aroudn maybeh like....6ish or wateva get ready..yeah yeah.

fun....

fire in the disco

Wed, 17 May 2006 04:15:32 GMT

I made up with Taylor, but ugh to it all. I really wish he still acted like my best friend and my school boyfriend and I to him. Ugh.

I miss Byron. I wanna go back and see him but thats not going to happen for a while and I really do miss him. Yeah, I know I have said this a million times before, however, this time. I do wanna stay with him, and wait for him. All the way until college I wanna wait for him.

I need to do very well on my end of the year tests and exams. I have to do the best that I possibly can. Next year my schedual will be all switched from what I have it as...so yeah. I want to be in all art classes and shizz like that, with like animal behavior and Calc AB.

Ugh...Prom...ugh is all I have to say on that one. This will be one intresting dance filled with lots of ughish feelings and akaward silences.

Things are working their way back up...lets hope they stay there.

<33

Why does this happen to me...now I want to cry.

Mon, 15 May 2006 02:06:12 GMT

God Damn! That is all I have to say. Today was an amazing day. Despite all the facts that occured.

I got a mother's day gift for my mame, spent with my own money. My spending money, and I don't ever get that anymore and I spent it all on her and didn't even care. This is the first time in about 10 years that I have gotten her a gift for this stupid card holiday. My only lasting grandma died, I don't care. She never cared for me and disliked my mother. I don't care.

I drew a good picture today. I was PROUD of it. ME! That is a rarity. Even my stupid piece that got into NATIONALS I am not super proud of. I am like...eh. Im happy I got in, dont get me wrong, but Im not happy with the piece.

I have an aunt who is an art teacher. She wants to give me all of these photography things and it makes me very very happy about that!

I was generally having a good day. I seriously was. This is a first in a long time. After almost crying part of the way home from RIT because of my serious brilliance falling for an amazing guy who is so far away. I will wait for him and he for me. I am determined! I care so much for him.

I get on and ask how my BEST FRIEND is. my BEST FRIEND. He starts to bitch at me. ME! I'm killin him he says. The picture. At first I thought he was talking about the one of him and me, but o no, its the one of Byron and I. He cant stand to look at it. Frank is a memeber of the crew. Well you know what I dont like Frank anymore and I need to tell him. But you know what, I still do love him and care for him, I just dont like him. My BEST FRIEND is yelling at me for this. WTF! when I broke up with him at first he didnt even care. WHen we werent BF and GF anymore he was like thats fine. But as soon as he sees me with someone else, hes mad. Well he can fuck off. He made my best friend cry so much over him. He has ruined our friendship forever and knows it. but all of a sudden he cares now. now he cares. He didnt care that he ignored me. He didnt care that He was making me mad. He didnt care that he forgot me. He didnt care.

He cant be happy for me...what is he for then.....
nothing.

O and my mood is totally angry wanting to kill someone wanting to cry and then goign and falling down in his arms to make me better. yeah thats about right.

RIT trip

Thu, 11 May 2006 18:38:30 GMT

So for this entire rest of the week and a small portion of the weekend will be spent at RIT on a college visit, this began on wednesday truly.
Carrie and I left right after school, seriously like right after. We ended up making it down by 8.30ish which is four hours. However, because the conversation was acutally pleasent this time then it was okya. Next, since I was particularlly excited to be visiting now *smirks* the trip seemed like it took no time at all. It was a very long trip though and a long trip comes with good music and pictures. We have taken a few really stupid ones of ourselves singing in the car, as well as every single welcome sign into the state each time! *we tried last time and failed*
We arrived and were greated by a group of three. Lee lee, Jess, and loverly Byron, as well as a soccer ball of sorts. We get into the room and right away get food because like dumbasses, Carrie and I never ate anything the entire way down because we never got hungry. RIght up until we were like 20 minuets from our exit *tee hee*.
So we get some food, and ORY joins us! O that crazy boy and his hair haha, it was all flat because of his shower and looked so funny, just kidding. Then Rob and Izzy showed up and we all ate. Came back to the room, Carrie passed out after taking a shower in Lee's bed. So...Ory, Byron, Lee lee and I sat up watching this really bad and stupid videos of like commercials or something. THen Lee lee and Ory left to go walk around and Byron and I stayed in the room.
It was really cool, he's so adorable, and ever so shy. It makes me giggle just a little bit.

So the rest of this week should be good.

It is amazing how a weekend can jsut take away all bad thoughts upon your mind that make you want to scream and rip someones heart out. But as soon as we return those same people and problems will be back and will have to be dealt with. This is a problem, one that I do not what to handle nor do I feel the need to handle right at the moment we get home. Sadly I will not deal with my problems until the right time and right moment which will be a while and ugh to it all. I despise this thought that sits upon my mind like stagnent water...CURSE IT! I'm hopeing for much enjoyment and a lot of just random fun because I dont want to deal with reality at teh current moment. Suc hi sthis as I am laying on Byrons bed with my head down and I am typing because I know my keys and I do not wan tto do math homework which I do not understnad at all which I am hopeing someone where will understnad because I do not. And then I get to teach myself the next two sections of it because I am missing the days when we learn it because tahts totally awsome that I have to learn something my myself that I can bearly do on my own anyways, more or less with Mrs.Jones hel. Ugh to pre Calc AB it is truly pointless.
I also must write and essay outline, very detailed by tomrrow and send it to Mrs. Sparks Roberts on a book that I hated on topics I dont know about because I left my retarded paper at school so I am kinda screwed at the current moment. Ugh. I have to call someone and find out the topics so I can get this stupid thing done and it bothers me a lot! At the current moment I have my name, her teachers name, and the data on my paper. Thats all, and that is truly sad. So...
Because of all this work that I have to do and I do not want to do it on sunday because of my lovlyness to be a slacker and want to sleep a lot, I should go and read the book that I have to read by monday and then go and try and do PreCalc again and fail misserably. RAWR!!

Im out.

<33
miss mercedes

new beginnings

Mon, 08 May 2006 03:11:10 GMT

So...I like a new boy. hes a real sweetheart.

Visiting RIT and very excited. It will be a real college visit this time.

Artwork is going good. I might be able to get my pieces into a show..so YEAH for me.

Im gonna work on my own production company...like my logo thingy.

Im thinking C Panda Productions

(aka cocain panada productions)

Okay..I think thats all.

night.

o yeah..i have strep.

to whom it may concern

Wed, 03 May 2006 04:27:12 GMT

So i was going to write this long letter to a friend of mine....someone i really do care about. I was going to tell them all about how i really like them and that i cared for him and I really want to be with him. But for right now it just can't work...and why is that. Well because I have my reasons and that I don't want to do something dumb. Then...i try to talk to them online, and I get an "im going bye". What am I left to think. From someone who said, I like you but I never thought I would have a chance at all, to I'm going I'm not going to talk to you bye. Well, here's to this person whom it may concern. I like you. Infact I adore you with most of what I believe to be the emotions of my heart because for the past, since I have seen you, I've alwasy been thinking of you in the back of my mind. Since we spoke I've become, in a crazier sense, obsessed with you. The first person I look for online and send a message to is you. I think about you when my mind begins to wander around this hell hole and I've had a bad day. I would love to have you as mind but sadly this is not possible for numerous reason I have disclosed before. Mainly that I don't trsut myself and wouldn't want to hurt you in any way. For you, I would give up what I have now and stay alone, even if plans fell through, or if plans obtained and your mind has changed. I do like you, I adore you. Believe me, and if in my powers I act stupid when I next lay my eyes upon you. Then may God forgive me, because I won't be sorry for my actions. As long as the point gets acorss to you, I would wait for you if you would for me.

I'm going now. Dreaming dreams of someone special.... I hope you know who you are.

So to the one that it may concern, I hope this message finds you in good company and you understand and show the same affection towards me that I entend to display towards you.

My astronaut who flies on high, where do you travel to so far away? Have you left me like all the rest on this moon rock? You came and saw only to have a moment of emotions and intentions vanish in a blink of an eye. Have you really blasted off without me, promising to return and save me off the backs of stars. Living in crators in dark dementions of my mind. My astronaut to the sun, did you know you had me believeing fairy tales. I was to fly away with you and travel the milkyway. Dancing in moon dust in the beams of Jupiter. Sitting on the backs of stars with you watching the Earth come up. Was that you who made me believe in space travel? Was it you who made me think possible to go to the moon? My astronaut to the sun, if you want, leave me here in space and I'll fall into a black hole of eternity. Or come get me my astronaut to the sun and we can dance all night watching the Earth come up. My astronaut who flies so high, where do you travel so far away?

<33 and RIP to the love of

miss mercedes

my mental status is not good

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 03:03:46 GMT

yesterday was not bad. ive been thinking a lot and its not fun.
Yesterdy at the end of the day Cheryal, Katie, My mame and I did a negative energy removal thing for people. I prayed for Byron...I think I got his negative energy. I told Frank about byron and I...as usual he really has nothing to say in my opinion, such as like ARGY , its just I love you so much baby. Im so dizzy, I almost pasted out in Karate today. I was dizzy all day long and then I have a terrible headache. I was attacked by a spirit last night and now Im afraid to go to sleep now. Im so afraid...It tried to kill me. Save me please.

astronauts

Sat, 29 Apr 2006 18:52:41 GMT

o conflicts are just lovly arnt they...